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Before reading this essay, click on the links to the right. The first link will take you to instructions that explain how to use the Paper Bank. The second link offers basic suggestions for how to go about writing this type of paper. In general, the comments contained in this sample paper concentrate on how the essay supports the solution proposed in the thesis statement. The tutor comments are concerned with pointing out how the student follows the outline presented in the Solution Essay Assignment Sheet. This essay uses few transition words or phrases to emphasize the various points in the argument and how they fit together. In this sense, the development of the paper is more implicit than explicit. Imagine, for example, how you could add more emphasis to the development of the argument and the organization of the paper by adding transitions like:
Adding transitional phrases makes the organization and structure of your essay explicit. If you want to learn more about paragraph topic sentences and transitions, go to Keywords and Transitions in the Paragraph Bank. These paragraph "tricks of the trade" work for both individual paragraphs and longer papers like the Solution Essay. Also note the full list of outside references that appears at the end of the paper. This list documents careful and detailed research from a variety of sources, including the internet, a medical journal, and the mainstream press, like Time magazine. Why is variety important? If your sources are all very similar, your argument will be less strong. Different types of sources widens the scope of your research. Of course, if you note that three similar sources present information in vastly different ways, you may also want to comment on that phenomenon in your paper. |
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Eng. 121
ESL Writer
(paragraph 1) Everybody deserves to live in safety and peace. In many countries, people's lives are in danger in their own country because of land mines. One-third of the earth has been planted with land mines. The people who live in these countries are suffering from the damage of land mines that have been with them for a long time, and have given them death or casualty. The economic development in these countries has stopped during the war period. After war, people are struggling to remove land mines to save many innocent lives and rebuild their country's economic development. Today, a lot of countries think that land mines are a global problem, so they have join to ban land mines. The movement to ban land mines was formed to save many civilians. This movement will help to get rid of land mines, to rebuild people's lives and countries, and to bring safety and peace.
 Paragraph 1: This essay begins by outlining the widespread problem of land mines. Then the essay proposes the movement to ban land mines is the best solution because " This movement will help to get rid of land mines, to rebuild people's lives and countries, and to bring safety and peace."
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(paragraph 2) Land mines have been planted under the ground to kill enemies on the battlefield for the last 50 years, however land mines have killed both sides' soldiers on the battlefield. After the war, they have remained under the ground and have killed or injured many civilians. "Each year 25,000 men,women,and children are killed or maimed" (Skolnick 375). In Cambodia, one out of every 236 people is a casualty of a land mine (Seeds).Today, many countries have had civil war for a long time including Afghanistan, Angola, Cambodia, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Laos, Mozambique, Zambia, Bosnia, and 60 other countries. The hundred ten million unexploded land mines are buried in these countries. About two to five million land mines are planted and only 100,000 land mines are removed in these countries every year (Seeds). About 10 million land mines are produced each year by 100 companies in 55 countries. China has been the world's biggest exporter of land mines (The New Convert).
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Paragraph 2: The body of the essay begins in the paragraph above. Prior to telling the reader more about the solution, the author takes time to further describe the problems land mines pose, especially in countries that are experiencing or that have lived through a civil war. Presenting this tragic history helps create a reader sympathetic to your solution.
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(paragraph 3)The ban land mines movement has been around for about twenty years. In the 1970s, the Swedes tried to ban land mines, but it didn't get worldwide attention. In 1980, the United Nations Inhumane Weapons Convention made the rule to put signs on the minefields. After that, the Geneva-based U.N. Conference on Disarmament has had the conference to ban land mines. Six years ago, ICBL (International Committee to Ban Land mines) formed in Washington, D.C. (Heilbrunn 4).
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Paragraph 3: Above the author briefly outlines the history of the movement to ban land mines before moving on to arguing why this solution is best.
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(paragraph 4) I very strongly support the ICBL's de-mining effort and banning of land mines. ICBL got the 1997 Nobel Peace Prize. This award brought attention from all over the world. Also, many people know why the ban land mine movement is important, for saving many innocent lives in 69 countries, especially children. Every year more and more countries sign to ban land mines. "The ICBL brings together humanitarian, human rights, children, peace, veterans, medical, development, arms control, religious, environmental and women's groups in a common call for a complete ban on antipersonnel mines, and increased resources for humanitarian de-mining and mine victim rehabilitation and assistance" (Press). In December 1997, ICBL expects 89 countries will be signed in Ottawa, but Russia, China, Vietnam, India, Pakistan, Iran, Iraq, Israel, and the United States won't sign it (No clean sweep for mines). "The ICBL has played the key role in educating the world about the land mines' crisis, and convincing governments to take urgent action to eliminate the weapon" (Press). The countries which have land mines are undeveloped, so they need support to educate people and de-mine land mines. An International Meeting on Mine Clearance raised $20 million for the United Nations Trust Fund for Mine Clearance in July 1995. The United States has provided $110 million for de-mining training programs and mine awareness in 14 countries since 1993 (McNamara 597). In Cambodia, Cambodian Mine Action Center has developed a trained cadre of de-miners and a national mine awareness organization with help from US military's Pacific Command (McNamara 597). In Namibia, the first and the second generation of Namibian-trained de-miners have removed two-thirds of the minefields. These trainers help Angola's de-mining program too (McNamara 598). In Bosnia, the U.S. government helped build the Bosnian Mine Action Center and operate the de-mining program in 1996 (McNamara 598). These countries are succeeding in de-mining programs with the financial support of ICBL and the United States.
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Paragraph 4: This paragraph emphasizes that the movement to ban land mines is growing. Why is this important? Support from a Nobel Peace Prize winning organization shows that the ban is a highly respected solution.
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(paragraph 5) We can help them with rehabilitation and medical care also, All causalities need medical treatment for their life time. "Adults must replace their artificial limbs every three to five years and growing children need a new prosthesis every six to twelve months" (Skolnick 377). PALM (Physicians Against Land Mines) said that survivors from land mines need about $750 million help for medical rehabilitation care (Skolnick 376). If we help them together today, they will have chances to rebuild their lives.
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Paragraph 5: Paragraph five extends the proposal to ban land mines by stating that rehabilitation and medical care are also necessary in order for the land mine problem to be solved.
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(paragraph 6) The de-mining technology hasn't been developed very much. According to the The Canadian International De-mining Centre, the best way to find the land mine is "prodding" which is where a probe is inserted into the ground at 30 degree angle until it touches the side of mine (Seeds). This is a slow, laborious, and expensive process. This process is the most common way to de-mine. Some countries have developed their own technology such as special de-mining vehicles, trained dogs, and air-sampling devices. The United States has provided $24 million for developing the technology of detection and clearing (McNamara 597). We still don't have really effective de-mining machines.
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Paragraph 6: In this paragraph the author identifies a potential problem with the solution: lack of developed technology. It is a good idea to point out potential weaknesses in your solution so you can argue that they won't pose a huge problem or that the problems can be easily solved.
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(paragraph 7) The number of countries signing up for the ban land mines movement is growing. The movement works toward making the whole world safer and more peaceful. We can work together as one. We can push to stop manufacturing and planting land mines. Also, we can push to sign up countries which didn't sign the ban land mines treaty. ICBL campaigns for the collection of a fund for de-mining and educating programs. The United States, the United Nations, the World Bank, the European Union, and the NATO Implementation Force work together for de-mining programs in Bosnia (McNamara 597).
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Paragraph 7: Here the writer, after pointing out a weakness, concentrates on a strength that should help reduce the impact of the solution's potential weakness.
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(paragraph 8) There is no better solution for de-mining, and educating the awareness of land mines. The de-mining progress is very slow because it requires a lot of time, people, and money. For example, in Zimbabwe, they had a plan to remove land mines from the ground. The Zimbabwe government thought they could remove land mines with two million dollars in three years, but only ten percent of the mines have been removed (Machipisa). Also, they said, "It cost the Rhodesian army two dollars to purchase a land mine and put in the ground. It now cost an average of US $1,000 to remove the same mine because you need medical backup and specialized equipment" (Machipisa). The European Union (EU) has promised to support Zimbabwe with $12.6 million for de-mining along its Mozambique border(Machipisa). We have to solve the land mine problem together.
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Paragraph 8: Again, in the above paragraph the author acknowledges certain weaknesses in her solution, but she also points out how countries are overcoming the massive amounts of time, people, and money needed for this solution to have its desired effect.
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(paragraph 9) A lot of countries co-operate with the ICBL to ban land mines on the earth. If we work together and campaign to the world, we can make the earth a better place to live for all of us and the next generation. We can make a different world with beautiful dreams and wonder for all of us. All of us need to help them rebuild their lives and their countries. This is the most wonderful thing humans can do for each other.
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Paragraph 9: This is the author's last chance to state the solution, why it will work, and the impact this solution will have.
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Heilbrunn, Jacob. "Minefield of Dreams." The New Republic. 13 October 1997 : 4-5.
Machipisa, Lewis. "A Thousand Years to Clear The Land mines?" Electronic Mail Guardian. http://www.mg.co.za/mg/news/anfeb/20fed- land mines.html. (November 12, 1997).
McNamara, Thomas E. " The U.S. Role in Solving The Land Mine Problem." US Department of State Dispatch. 2 December 1996 : 594-600.
"Mine Ban Campaign Wins Nobel Peace Prize." Press Statement on Behalf of The South African Campaign to Ban Land mines. October 10, 1997.
"The New Convert." The Economist. 23 August 1997 : 14.
"No Clean Sweep Mines." Time. 29 September 1997 : 38-39.
"Seeds of Death Across The Globe." The Canadian International De-mining Centre. http://eagle.uccb.ns.ca/define/result2.html (November 27, 1996).
Skolnick, Andrew A. "Physician Group Declares War on Land Mine Injuries." JAMA: The Journal of American Medical Association. 6 August 1997 : 375-376.
