Good Letter vs. Bad Letter
This page demonstrates the characteristics of good and poor letter writing by comparing two letters written for the same purpose. Note that form as well as content is important in good letter writing.
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To Whom It May Concern: I want to tell you a few things. For one thing, your company sucks and for another you stink. I will never buy another lawn mower from Mower Makers Inc.!!!!!!!!! You should send me my money back plus some more for all the suffering that you're stupid mower caused me. I'm lucky I didn't end up in the hospital. And you are lucky too because I would have sued you, so just giving me my money back is getting off easy. Send me my check already, John Wrong |
Analysis
The above letter makes several errors.
First, the author neglects to follow proper block letter style format. He does not include, for instance, the heading and inside address. Even if the company wanted to send Mr. Wrong his check, they would not know where to send it!
The letter also fails to state a clear purpose. Wanting to tell someone a few things is very different from wanting to get your money back because you are unsatisfied with a product under guarantee.
The letter also does not state what product failed the customer. Most likely Mower Makers Inc. makes several models of lawn mowers and puts out new models each year. The author should have been more specific.
Mr. Wrong also failed to proofread his letter for errors. For example, in the second paragraph Mr. Wrong writes: "You should send me my money back plus some more for all the suffering that you're stupid mower caused me." In this sentence the author uses "you're" when he should have used "your." Errors like this one combined with the excessive use of exclamation marks clearly show that Mr. Wrong wrote the letter quickly and in the heat of passion. If you have time, it is often a good idea to let a letter "sit" for a day. That way you can proofread the letter with fresh eyes before sending it. Another good idea is to have a friend read the letter for clarity and grammatical errors.
And finally, the "bad" letter makes threats and personal attacks. Again, this type of writing shows poor judgment on behalf of the writer.
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1000 Any Street Mower Makers, Inc. Dear Sir or Madam: I am writing to ask for my money back. On July 1, 1998, I purchased a Mower 250 from your factory outlet store. After using the mower two times, I would like to return the product and get my full money back according to your "Satisfaction Guarantee." I have an extremely steep hill in my backyard, and the Mower 250 does not have enough power to make it up the hill. When I ordered and had your product shipped to my house, sales representative Jane Doe (ext. 6-1111) assured me that if the Mower 250 did not perform to my satisfaction, I would be covered under the guarantee. The total cost of the mower was $523.19. (see enclosed copy of invoice) Please send the refund check to the above address upon return of the mower. (My son will drop the mower off at your factory store in a few days.) And, please call me at (303)111-1111 if you have any questions. Thank you for your quick attention to this matter. Sincerely, John Right |
Analysis
Mr. Right's letter is better than Mr. Wrong's letter for three main reasons. First, Mr. Right follows the standard block form; second, he states his purpose clearly in the opening paragraph. Finally, Mr. Right keeps a professional tone throughout the letter. The letter, additionally, has been proofread for grammatical errors. As a result, Mr. Right's letter is much more likely to get the response he desires: his money back with few hassles from Mower Makers Inc.
If you take these general guidelines into consideration, you are much more likely to write successful letters. Good luck!